Darkness Visible

"I think Styron’s memoir is the perfect one because he’s a gifted writer who has made a career of trying to express difficult-to-express feelings. His book offers a visceral sense of what it’s like to be in excruciating pain for those who have never experienced that. It also explores the continuity between psychological and physical pain. I believe there is a far bigger overlap here than most people, especially in the medical community, recognise. “I wanted to choose works that illuminated not so much the biology of pain but what it’s like to experience and live it.” There are two other critical insights in Styron’s memoir. One is that when pain is at its most intense, it really is indescribable. Styron does his best to capture those moments and for a while is very descriptive. But when the full force of pain hits, everything suddenly becomes a blur. He becomes, he writes, wall-eyed, which is a brilliant expression of how he felt. Yes, and again here are these professional wordsmiths who are left speechless in the face of pain. The other thing I really like about the book is the way Styron describes the isolating effects of pain, especially when it goes on for long stretches. Pain cuts you off from the world. Styron rightly talks of the ferocious inwardness of pain and the aching solitude of pain. These feelings occur in all types of chronic pain, whether psychological or physical. Pain produces a sense of loneliness which, in turn, exacerbates the pain. It becomes a vicious cycle leading to more and more pain."

"I had a very bad attack of depression about fourteen years ago. Yes, and I challenged people to find a novel that contains a good description of depression. There’s a joke about depression that if you describe it, you haven’t had one. But the difficulty in describing depression is exactly why Styron’s Darkness Visible is such a masterpiece. It’s not a novel. It’s about his own depression, and it’s extraordinary – one of the best. No, none at all. I had a minor problem with my heart. But really minor. I was happily married, I had a nice job at the university, but I went down very badly. You can’t describe it, it’s an absolute bloody nightmare. But that’s why Stryon’s the one I quote – he really is very, very important. For example, he thinks that the word “depression” is the most depressive, miserable, lousy word you could possibly use to describe the disease. To put it mildly. But he really speaks out. He’s totally unconstrained in his descriptions. He’s entirely frank about his own experiences."

"Yes, the subtitle of the book is A Memoir of Madness , because he equates suicide with madness. He drank. William Styron drank. Jim did not. And Styron became aware how depressed he was when he was on his way to Paris to accept a big award. He actually began to really go downhill after he stopped drinking. Styron was so terribly depressed, he could hardly get out of bed anymore. Jim never displayed anything like that at all. He went to work and behaved as if everything was completely normal. And at the end of Styron’s book, he is just about ready to kill himself, and he listens to Brahms’ Alto Rhapsody. And the voice of the alto makes him realize that his mother used to sing that piece to him when he was small. And it was then that he really broke down. He broke down, but in a good way. He woke up his wife, they made phone calls and the next morning he was in hospital. And that saved him. “He actually began to really go downhill after he stopped drinking.” What strikes me is that in many cases if people had been able to ask for help, or if they had been aware how much they needed help, their suicides could have been prevented. Almost every one of these books says that suicides can be prevented. I don’t know if Jim realized it, that he needed help. I just don’t know. I certainly didn’t know. In Jim’s case – it was 40 years ago, and truly there was a lot of stigma attached to going to ask for help. And yet the suicide rate remains high. I read in the Jamison book, Night Falls Fast , that 30,000 Americans die each year by their own hand. Someone commits suicide every 17 minutes in this country. And I googled it the other day to see if that was still the case and the rate has not diminished. And then there’s half a million other people who try to kill themselves, but only end up in the emergency room. Never. I was not aware of anything. Nothing. He had moods. But who doesn’t have moods? One day he’d come home and work had been great and another day he’d come home and he’d say this fool has been promoted, how come? So his moods went up and down, seemingly only having to do with work. But it seemed so normal, that people should have ups or downs because they’ve had a lousy day or a great day. No, I absolutely did not know. And I guess towards the end, when people are about to commit suicide and have really begun to contemplate the details – when they’re going to do it, where etc. – I think at that point they may not be very reachable anymore. I’ve chosen Johan Sebastian Bach’s The Well Tempered Clavier, Book I, no. 1 . It’s my favorite. Every day, as I was writing A Hidden Life , I treated myself. I’d start working at 8.30-9 in the morning, and by eleven o’clock I was totally worn out emotionally. And then I’d put this piece of music on. And I would become so serene, that I was able to work for another half hour or so. I just love it. It is so simple and it is so very sensitive, it goes right into me, it probes right through my outer shell. I can’t imagine anybody could resist this kind of music. Music, to me, is such a great a healer. I can even enjoy the beat, the energy, of rap music. The words are a bit repetitive maybe, and not always very pleasant. But Bach, Mozart, they give me a feeling of completeness."