Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole

"Susan Cain’s books are good examples of what we were just discussing. Quiet made a simple shift—it can be good not to be an extrovert—and it was like scales fell from the eyes of millions of people who came to better embrace their varying human social levels. I wasn’t entirely sure about Bittersweet when I started reading it. I thought it might just repeat something I basically knew—life is both difficult and joyous—but I found Cain’s treatment richer than this. She defines bittersweetness as “a tendency to states of longing, poignancy, and sorrow; an acute awareness of passing time; and a curiously piercing joy at the beauty of the world.” I thought this was a very interesting way to gather up some emotions and ways of being in the world that I don’t often associate. I am not—to be perfectly honest—always convinced that her definition works, and parts of the book I don’t love, especially the personality test. People are more fluid in this realm, just as most people are ambiverts. But I like that she didn’t just give us a classic self-help book about dealing with bittersweetness, and rather offered a meaningful account of what it’s like to live with this disposition, however often one experiences it. I suppose I am always falling again on the spectrum, and in different places! That’s why I look at the book more as an exploration of a disposition than as a personality type. And as a disposition, it’s one that I know and can find more appreciation in after reading her book, but I wouldn’t say it dominates my outlook on life. Another book that came out this year that I highly recommend is Kieran Setiya’s Life is Hard , and one point he makes in particular is helpful here: don’t always view your life as a narrative. You’re not just a character with a fixed set of personality traits and quirks. You’re plural in yourself and often a stranger to yourself."