The Worry Cure: Seven Steps to Stop Worry from Stopping You

"This is a CBT approach to managing chronic anxiety. When I talk about overthinking in my book, I’m talking about both rumination, which is generally past-focused, and worry, which is future-focused. This is a really good book for worry. I first came across it when I was training, which was back in about 2006. It’s really clear, really practical. Leahy talks about differentiating between productive and unproductive worry—when it’s helpful and when it’s not helpful—and concrete and abstract thinking. He also looks at accepting uncertainty and at stopping safety behaviours like rituals and reassurance seeking. Again, it’s written by an expert who’s got a huge amount of experience. It tackles something that comes up a lot in my clinic, which is this idea that worry can be helpful: that if you’re not worrying about it, then you’re not taking it seriously. People also have the idea that if you think to yourself, ‘This is going to go well,’ then maybe you’re jinxing it. The idea that if something good is happening, it actually might not be good at all, and might mean something bad’s on its way… Leahy breaks down a lot of those ideas and starts to unpack them. He shows that they just don’t add up – it’s not the reality of how life works, or of the impact we can have on what happens. So he exposes the idea of worry being helpful as a myth, along with the idea that we can be in total control. I think of that idea as magical thinking. It feels safe. It feels like then, if you get everything right, life can go well. But actually, it keeps you stuck and stops you from enjoying life. I think that it can feel risky to let go of it, and once people start to understand what’s really going on, it gets easier to see it. But generally, when people come in, they’re not seeing it as all bad – that’s what’s so tricky about it. And it becomes habitual. You’re initially thinking about these things when you’re not feeling good, and then your brain says, ‘She always thinks in these ways when she’s not feeling good’ – so it automatically starts without you even being consciously aware of it. People will say to me, ‘Maybe I’m just that kind of person,’ or ‘Maybe that’s just how I think things through.’ We have to start to bring in the idea that you can have choice over what you think about, and look at what is helpful and unhelpful. Seeing it gives people space to recognise the problems that come with overthinking, and how awful it is. It can be really horrendous for some people. Yes. I get the feedback, ‘Oh, I didn’t realize it was overthinking that I was doing’ – and some people look at the seven types and say, ‘Do you know what? I do all seven.’ Although it’s the same problem in action, it can present really differently. That’s what I’ve been struck by. I did a talk for Action For Happiness , and they got people to write an answer to ‘What do you overthink?’ There was such a massive range. The more you start to have that awareness – whether it’s using the seven thinking types in the book to recognise your patterns, or writing things down and noticing what triggers you, and what your go-to problems are – the more you can see what’s actually going on, and decide whether you want to continue down that route again. It’s the idea that your thoughts and feelings aren’t facts. It lets you step back from them and externalise them. Even writing the book, I noticed some new patterns that I was totally unaware I had. For example, I’d wake up and think, ‘I’m really tired’ – and then I looked at one of the measures, and it was ‘Thinking you’re more tired than you used to be.’ So I thought about it, and I realised I actually get a lot more sleep than I did in my twenties, and I don’t really drink now, and my kids sleep through the night… I go out for bike rides, I go for runs, I do all the things I want to do. Of course I’m a bit tired in the morning – sometimes life’s busy. But I’m not more tired than I used to be, not at a level that’s problematic. And when you see overthinking for what it is, it gives room to laugh at it or question it or challenge it. That’s what’s so important about identifying how you operate and understanding yourself better. Yes, exactly. In a funny way, when you start to see the different types, it gives you a bit more leeway with the ones you do. You can see what you don’t even worry about, and think, how do I manage that? It’s often that you just accept it, or that you’re doing those things all the time, so you’re already doing step five – action. Step one is to notice the thoughts and bring awareness to them. When we start to see what’s in our spotlight of attention, that allows us to take step two, which is to choose our response – because so often when we’re overthinking, it’s just automatically happening. I think of it as like walking down the same pathway all the time, whereas when you choose your response, you can choose a different direction. I outline three different ways to do step two. Actually, before that, if it’s something straightforward or not too emotive, then just telling yourself to stop – deciding ‘I don’t want to think about this’ – is the first thing to try. But if that doesn’t work, you can use mindfulness , or the mind-body link – when our body feels good, it has a positive knock-on effect on our minds and mood. The third way is to do something neutral or that you enjoy – a distraction, or phoning a friend, or doing a hobby. The reason for doing any of these three things is to boost your mood, because when we’re in a negative mood, it narrows our spotlight of attention. It means we’re less likely to consider other perspectives or to be as good at problem-solving. When you boost your mood, it’s like moving to higher ground: you can see things more clearly. You’re more creative, and you’re more likely to ask for help. So it puts you in the best position to then go on step three, which is to challenge your thoughts. The core of step three is that your thoughts and feelings aren’t facts. By using the different challenges in the book, you can loosen up those thoughts and see multiple perspectives—and remember that you’re not your thoughts, you’re the awareness of them. The same with your feelings. Step four is to accept the reality of life. I noticed, both personally and professionally, that at the root of a lot of overthinking are fundamental beliefs about how the world should work and how we should be – whether that’s perfectionism, or wanting to have certainty, or feeling like things should be under your control. We have to look at the beliefs that are driving our thoughts and feelings. When we start to have a fairer view of life, and we don’t set these expectations of how we should be doing, it lets us be in life and enjoy what it is. Whereas, often, these expectations mean that we feel like we’re falling short, or life’s not matching up to what we expect, and that’s a big trigger for overthinking. Step five is to take action and to face your fears. Thinking isn’t a blanket response for everything we do. The quickest way to know how something is going to go is to do it. We so often have these anxious predictions that aren’t really the truth of what’s going on. We know that we’ve evolved to learn from our experiences, and that’s key to emotional development, so it’s important to get back out there and do the things that you’ve been avoiding, and make your world bigger. Then you have evidence for how the world actually is, rather than what the anxious thoughts say. It’s a chance to update those anxious predictions with what actually happened, but also to learn more about yourself – to see if it doesn’t go perfectly to plan, it’s still fine. Then you can focus on living your life in the way you want to, and the things that are important to you."