The Stories We Live By

"There’s a lot of similarity between what I take away from The Stories We Live By and The Saturated Self. McAdams writes about how we construct ourselves through narrative, i.e. the stories we tell about ourselves. His focus is on the autobiographical story, whereas Gergen suggests that it’s not just the stories we tell about ourselves, it’s the clothing we wear, it’s where we put ourselves. “Life stories aren’t just a transcription of what happened; the stories determine who we are and they give shape to our lives” But I think both would say our life stories aren’t just a transcription of what happened; the stories determine who we are and they give shape to our lives. They create this narrative truth that is the crux of identity. So McAdams has done a lot of research using the life story interview and examines different types of narrative arcs. One is the redemption narrative, in which commitment to certain values allows someone to move through painful circumstances to a place where they can help and inspire others. He traces how people like Oprah Winfrey and many leaders embody this narrative, and its resonance in American culture. Two points. As we talked about before, I have used the ‘Life Story Interview’ to help people figure out themes in their narratives and opportunities to use technology differently. After examining their own life stories, some of my students this year were saying, ‘The most important thing in my life right now is succeeding in school and yet I’m procrastinating terribly.’ So that’s an opportunity for them to do something as simple as putting the phone in another room while they’re finishing a paper. That’s one way that McAdams’s work on stories is important: It can give us a way to think about how we use technology. The other way it’s important is that when we’re tweeting, or putting up selfies on Instagram, or blogging, these are all conceivably part of our autobiographical stories. We’re always in the process of working on little bits and pieces of our life story and how we present ourselves. It makes sense that some parts of that self-presentation are aspirational. There’s concern that people put only positive things up on social media, and that its inauthentic. But another way to look at it is that they may be putting up something they want to move towards. They may be creating a future self, or different future selves. It might be something that pulls one in a positive direction. One example in my book is called ‘Social Climbing.’ It’s about a college student who was reclusive, unhappy and sedentary in her first year at school. Her parents arranged for her to volunteer in a national park over the summer. She encountered these climbers, fellow volunteers, and they become quite close friends. And she realized she really wanted to become like them. “There’s concern that people put only positive things up on social media, and that its inauthentic. But another way to look at it is that they may be putting up something they want to move towards” So she started posting pictures from her hikes with them and was really thrilled when they included images of her on their group hikes. She compared the pictures that she posted with the pictures from their social media accounts: ‘How much of a difference is there? How can I how can I make my pictures more like theirs and as epic and courageous as the ones that they’re posting?’ It was a way of becoming for her, of embracing and living up to this identity that was very much a positive self for her. I guess if you were looking at it in a negative way—if you were a friend of hers who only knew her when she was hiding out in her dorm room and procrastinating—you might say, ‘That’s not really her life.’ But from my perspective, it’s positive, putting up a something she wants to be and climbing towards it. I’m sure someone is doing the most up-to-date analysis of that as we speak! I was thinking of something that’s become like a refrain, ‘Social media makes you depressed because you’re looking at other people whose lives are better than yours to begin with AND they’re just posting the better pictures of their lives, so don’t look at it.’"