Letters: 1925-1975

"They didn’t ever have the relationship that their letters suggest they wanted to have. Heidegger lifted this Latin phrase from Augustine, “I will that you are or I want you to be.” I was always drawn to the fact that, given his particular personality, in the love letters, the love should be characterised as non-possessive. It’s not about taking; it’s more about giving you space to be the person you are. Heidegger writes: “we become what we love and yet remain ourselves. Then we want to thank the beloved, but find nothing that suffices.” “I would group Kafka and Alice James on one side as almost solipsistic correspondents, and I would group Lowell and Bishop, and Heidegger and Arendt on the other side as letters that express love and closeness.” I think when you look at it in today’s light, and you see all of that, of course, exists on a presupposition—that it’s the male’s right to express possessive love. In an ideal world, you’ve got a much more balanced dynamic, and hopefully, we are approaching that world; culturally, things may be moving in this direction. But the fact that Heidegger would give up possessiveness at the outset felt like a powerful and deeply romantic gesture to me at the time when I was reading these. Of course, now I think everyone can see the difficulties there."